He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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