just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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