Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
