So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
