my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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