Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's blow job season.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
