I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
