Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
