It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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