wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
