Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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