He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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