I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
