somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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