I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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