Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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