he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love you. Go after that dick
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
