I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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