Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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