Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
