Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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