Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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