Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
