You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
