Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
