you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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