I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
