At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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