If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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