Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
