You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
In America we eat man semen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
