True but thats because hes a fetus.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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