Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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