I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize