i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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