marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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