I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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