I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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