Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
