this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
