I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
