glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
