yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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