I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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