Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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We had to coat check the pizza.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.