Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.