a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
