she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.