Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize