My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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