even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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