nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize