All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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