Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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