Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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