It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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