a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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