I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
