her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
