I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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