is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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