Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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