i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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