nutella sex= disaster
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
