So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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