A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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