I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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