Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
