Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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